


Overcoming Hate

by cunningdeb



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, Kris Allen - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Hate Crimes, M/M, Sexual Content, Violence, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 04:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1496890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunningdeb/pseuds/cunningdeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With death looming in the future, Adam and Kris take a big step, one that will change their friendship forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set against the backdrop of Copenhagen, Denmark during World War II. During the war, the Danes saved thousands of their Jewish citizens by sneaking them out of the country under the noses of the Nazis. My story is based on this fact.
> 
> There is NO main character death. Concentration camps and POW camps are alluded to.

September 29, 1943:

Adam carefully sipped his tea, letting the clear fluid settle in his empty stomach. He had been throwing up all night and had made the difficult decision not to attend temple that morning. He felt Rabbi Solomon would not be happy if he became sick and desecrated the holy synagogue. His roommate Aaron had gone and promised to say a prayer for his return to good health.

Feet came running down the dormitory hallway and his door burst open. Aaron rushed in, followed by two more of their classmates, Eli and Benjamin. They quickly shut the door behind them, locking it.

“Adam, the world is ending. We are all going to die!”

“Aaron, calm down. What is the matter?”

While Aaron paced the room, muttering prayers to himself, Eli took a seat next to Adam.  
“At services this morning, Rabbi Solomon announced that the Nazis are planning to capture all Danish Jews tomorrow night during Rosh Hashanah and deport us to concentration camps. We’ve been urged to go into hiding immediately.”

“No, no, this cannot be true. We have lived under occupation for over three years with no action. Why would they be doing this now?”

“We do not know, but word has come down from friends in the government. We cannot let ourselves be captured.” Eli got up and headed for the door. “We have to warn the others. Please Adam, gather what you can and run. Shalom.”

The door closed and Adam forgot his illness. He did not know where to turn. He had no family and no money, spending it all to attend university. Where could he go? Was there no one to help him?

He quickly dressed and headed onto the courtyard. It was full of students, huddled in small groups, talking in hushed whispers, keeping their eyes on the omnipresent Nazi soldiers who had been part of the landscape for so long. Adam walked about, hugging friends and discussing the secret plans being made.

“Adam! Adam! Here!”

He searched the crowds until his eyes fell upon his best friend Kristopher, waving to him. Adam pushed his way through the students and they embraced.

“Dear Lord Adam, is it true? Is your life in danger?”

“That’s what I’ve been told. Kristopher, I must leave Copenhagen today, somehow. I hear word that a plan is being made to get us to Sweden but that is all I know.” He held on to his friend’s hands. “I cannot stay here, at the school, they will find me. I do not want to involve you, but do you know of a safe place I can hide until I can make my escape?”

Without hesitation, Kristopher answered. “You must come to my home.”

Adam shook his head violently. “No, no, I cannot do this. I cannot risk your life.”

“You need help and I am going to help you.”

Tears welled up in Adam’s eyes. “I cannot allow you to put your life in danger. They will kill you if you are found harboring a Jew.”

“I do not care. You are my closest friend and I will not abandon you in your most desperate hour of need.”

“But what of your parents, your brother? Surely, they would be against this.” Adam knew this for a fact as they were not pleased with their friendship. “They do not approve of me; I know this to be true.”

“What they believe is not what I believe. It does not matter to me that we are from different faiths. What matters is that you are my brother and I would be ashamed before God if I turned my back. Besides, my family is away visiting my grandparents. I am alone in the house. Please, please say you will let me help.”

Adam swallowed his pride and nodded.

“Good, good. You must leave the university within the hour. Do not take anything with you but your identification papers in case you’re stopped and whatever money you have. Do not act nervous, this will only draw attention. Walk around the city for several hours, change direction often, do not retrace your steps. Just before sunset, make your way to my home. I will hide you until I can find I way to get you out of the country.” Kris kissed Adam’s hand. “Be safe my dear friend. I shall see you soon.”

With that, they parted ways, praying the plan would work.

\--*--

The sun had set and Kristopher was pacing around his quiet living room. Adam should have been there by now. What if he’d been caught? What if, at that very moment, he was in some holding cell, being bludgeoned to death by the Nazis? What if they’d just shot him in the street and left him there to die? Adam could vanish off the face of the earth and Kristopher would never know what happened to him.

A rapid knock rattled his door. Kristopher barely had it open when Adam pushed his way in, slamming it behind himself and locking it. He was panting heavily and his face was as white as a sheet.

“A soldier started following me an hour ago. He is right behind me!”

Grabbing his friend’s hand, Kristopher dragged him up to the third floor and to a small door at the back of the house. He opened it, admitting them to an attic space. Adam hugged himself as Kristopher felt along the wall boards and pried one loose, then another, removing them. Behind was a smaller, windowless room under the gables, with ne’er enough room to stand.

“Quickly, quickly, inside and stay quiet. I will come back for you when it is safe.”

No sooner had Kristopher replaced the wall boards so the secret room disappeared, then a pounding on the front door rattled the house. He ran downstairs and answered the door, trying to look innocent.

A large Nazi soldier shoved his way in, yelling about following a Jew and knowing he’d entered a house on the street. He started inspecting the first floor, opening doors and cupboards and any place that looked big enough to hide a man. Kristopher looked out his door into the street and witnessed more soldiers barging their way into other homes. 

Kristopher heard the heavy boots stomp up the stairs to the second floor and the doors slamming open. He ran upstairs, watching as each room was thoroughly searched, and furniture and belongings tossed everywhere. Satisfied there was no one there, the German headed to the third floor. There were four doors on this floor, one of them leading into the attic where Adam was hiding. One room, then another, was searched until two rooms were left. Kristopher didn’t think; he just stood in front of the other empty room, hoping to look suspicious. It worked. The soldier ordered him to step away from the door. The smaller man said nothing nor did he move. The soldier’s arm came up and backhanded him across the face. Kristopher crashed into the wall and fell to the floor. The soldier opened the door and found nothing. He headed towards the final door when a booming voice from the first floor ordered him to the street, something being said about locating the Jew. The Nazi sneered at Kristopher, spat on him, and left.

The young man tried to get up then his knees buckled and he crumbled again to the floor. The room was spinning and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. Trying again, Kristopher got to his feet and holding onto the banister for support, he carefully made his way back to the front door, closing and locking it. On his way back up to the attic, he paused at a mirror, long enough to see the blood drying in the corner of his mouth and the angry bruise forming along his cheek. A bruised face was small price to pay for saving his friend’s life.

Strength returned to his body as he hurried up the three flights. Opening the attic door, he lit a candle and pried the wall boards loose. Before he could utter a word, a large body flew out of the darkness, both men falling to the floor in a heap. Kristopher’s breath was knocked out of him once more and the only sounds coming from Adam were growls. Fighting for supremacy, the two rolled around on the floor crashing into abandoned furniture and sending smaller items tumbling to the floor.

“You will not take me willingly!” Adam screamed, his hands circling his friend’s throat.

“Stop! Adam it’s me! Kristopher!” he croaked, his air being cut off.

Adam, straddling the smaller body, came out of his fog and realized he had attacked his friend rather than a Nazi. He let go, both men panting, trying to recover. Adam leaned forward, arms resting on either side of Kristopher’s head, and shifted to get up when an unexpected sensation stirred him. He looked down into his friend’s eyes and Kristopher too looked surprised. Adam shifted again, their groins rubbing together and he gasped. Adam closed his eyes, trying to understand these new feelings his body was awakened to and beneath him he felt Kristopher move slowly. It was wonderful and frightening. Adam’s arms began shaking and he collapsed onto Kristopher, their faces meeting. Adam’s lips hovered over Kristopher’s mouth and he could feel the hot air being blown into him. Their eyes were open and they searched each other, asking silently what was rousing inside them. Kristopher lifted his head and tentatively ran his tongue over Adam’s lips. Adam pushed himself away and stood up.

“Forgive me! I’m sorry, so sorry,” Kristopher begged, hurrying to his feet. “I don’t know why….”

Adam turned to his friend, his face made of steel. “It’s forgotten. I have to leave here, I cannot stay.”

“Please, you cannot, it’s not safe yet,” his friend urged, stepping into the pool of candlelight.

“Dear Lord, Kristopher, did I do this to you?” Adam uttered, seeing for the first time the damage to his friend’s face.

“No, it was one of them. I would not get out of his way.”

Adam curved his hand around the other man’s neck and gently brought their foreheads together. “Seeing this, I must definitely leave. I cannot put you in further danger.”

“You didn’t put me in danger, it was my free choice. If you insist, we must wait until it is darker. There are boats gathering at the dockyard to ferry your people to safety. We shall head there tonight and you will be free.”

\--*--

They had a light meal and then headed out to the dockyards. Both young men dressed in dark colors so they could blend in to the shadows. Kristopher had given Adam one of his brother’s large hats to cover his golden hair. Dodging strangers and hiding in doorways and alleys, they eventually arrived at the water. So many boats … there were so many boats … who were their allies? Adam waited behind some crates as Kristopher cautiously approached fisherman after fisherman until he found his answer.

“Come, there’s a small group of boats at the end of the wharf. They are leaving in minutes.”

Kristopher and Adam ran as fast as they could. As they had the wharf in sight, the first boat pulled out under the cover of darkness.

“No! Kristopher they’re leaving!”

They run faster. By the time they reach the end, they are too far away. Adam stood at the end of the pier, arms waving, “Come back! Come back!”

Kristopher took his arm and dragged him out of sight. “Adam, be quiet! Don’t alert the soldiers.”

“Why did they leave? Why did they leave me?”

“Perhaps they had as many as they could take. Tomorrow; we’ll come back tomorrow.”

\--*--

It was a risk, but they went back to Kristopher’s house; there was no where else to go. Once more, they hid in the shadows and kept their heads down, not daring to make eye contact with anyone. When they arrived, they kept the curtains drawn and the lights off. They allowed themselves one candle to light their way. Kristopher felt Adam should spend the night in the secret attic room but Adam said he didn’t want to spend his last night on earth in a closet. He rationalized that the house had already been searched and they were probably safe for the night. If they were wrong, so be it; perhaps he was not meant to live more than 25 years.

Kristopher gave Adam his bedroom and he took in his brother’s. They both kept their street clothes on in case they had to run. Kristopher lay on the bed, searching the dark for answers. The questions he had were not about the nightmare they found themselves living in but about the new feelings his heart held the man resting in his bed. 

Adam and Kristopher had been friends for four years. They were both students at the university, took some of the same classes and shared a love of music. Adam had come to Copenhagen alone, his parents having died and he wanted to make something of his life, to find a purpose. He was the kindest person Kristopher had ever met and he always enjoyed spending time with him. Adam was a handsome man with his blonde hair and blue eyes, strong yet gentle face and tall build. Many girls spent time with him and Kristopher could tell they all wanted Adam to be more than a friend. But Adam was shy; he would laugh and talk with them but he became nervous if they sat too close or flirted with him. Kristopher, however, liked holding hands and kissing girls. He had only been with a woman once. When he was fourteen, his father took him to a brothel, believing his son needed to be introduced to the ways of the flesh. It had been awkward and his body had been awakened but his heart had not. He was still looking for a woman who would make his soul soar and fill him with overwhelming love and passion.

How strange and yet comforting it was as he realized the deep emotions he was looking for with a woman were actually caused by a man. Kristopher realized this for the first time earlier that night, after the misunderstanding in the attic. He found himself trapped under the bigger man’s body, their groins touching. When Adam had moved, they rubbed together and his body came to life. Kristopher was startled as his cock twitched and hardened at the contact. He looked up at Adam when he gasped and Kristopher knew at that time he had never seen a face so beautiful. Adam’s eyes closed and his mouth fell open, inviting. Kristopher wanted to hear him again and he moved himself against Adam, causing another reaction. He watched Adam quiver and then the other man fell upon him. Bodies pressed and faces together, Kristopher’s body ached to be touched. In the quiet of the house, only their beating hearts and the hushed sounds of their breathing could be heard. All he had to do was lift his head and their lips would have touched. Instead, he ran his tongue over the soft wet lips above him, wanting more.

That was when Adam turned away. The heat Kristopher felt was stripped away and he was cold again. Afraid he’d gone too far, he was relieved somewhat when Adam didn’t want to discuss it. Adam obviously didn’t have the same feelings Kristopher had but that little touch of heaven was enough to make his life complete. After tomorrow, he would probably never see Adam again. Once he was in Sweden and free, Adam’s life would continue - he’d find a wife, settle down with his family, and live in peace. Kristopher knew his life would follow this path also but it would not be as complete as it could be.

Kristopher got up, deciding to make a cup of tea, and as he passed his bedroom, he heard crying. He opened his door and his heart broke. The only light in the room was from the open window. Adam was kneeling, his hands on the window frame and his head down. Kristopher heard him speaking in Hebrew; he must have been praying for help and guidance. Kristopher started to close the door and it creaked.

Adam didn’t turn around but he spoke. “Don’t go.”

Kris came in and sat on the edge of the bed. Adam continued praying, his voice growing stronger. The moonlight made Adam’s hair shine like gold and draped over his shoulders like a robe. Slowly, his voice weakened, his head fell forward onto his hands and his shoulders shook. Kristopher knelt beside him and gathered him into his arms. 

Adam held on with desperation, sobbing into his friend’s shoulder, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die….”

Kristopher ran a hand through Adam’s hair, his lips brushing his ear. “I won’t let you die Adam; I swear to God as my witness, I won’t let them take you from me.”

He kissed Adam’s hair, his mouth trailing down to his face. He rained soft touches over his temple and forehead. Adam lifted his head and Kristopher’s lips continued down his cheek and stopped at the edge of his mouth. Adam’s tears slowed, his mind turning away from his future and intensely aware of what was happening in the moment. Adam moved his head so Kristopher’s lips now hovered before his. Kristopher leaned in and tentatively kissed his dearest friend. At first, Adam didn’t respond then slowly he kissed back. He’d never kissed anyone like this before. His stomach fluttered and he felt heat burn in his core. Kristopher tugged on his bottom lip, his top lip. Adam moaned and the hand in his hair tightened and pressed their mouth together. The gentle kisses became an urgent assault. Adam felt Kristopher’s tongue licking his teeth and he opened his mouth wider, welcoming him in.

Kristopher delved in, tasting the sweet honey of desire. He ran his hands down Adam’s back and over his ass, squeezing and pressing their bodies together. Adam followed his lead, his own arms tightening around Kristopher. Finally, they came apart, letting go. Each man sat back on his heels, searching for air and an understanding of what they were doing.

Both men kept their thoughts to themselves. This attraction caught both of them by surprise. Perhaps it was the fear of never seeing each other again that stirred these buried feelings. Many would consider their actions forbidden but the only thing forbidden to them was denying it.

Kristopher held out his hand and Adam took it. They rose onto their knees and came together. Adam nervously brushed the hair from Kristopher’s face, tenderly touching the bruise on his face, the bruise he took defending his friend. In turn, Kristopher rubbed Adam’s arms, looking at the blond man with fire in his eyes.

“Kristopher, I know I have no right to ask this,” Adam whispered.

“Ask me anything and it’s yours.”

He smiled shyly. “I know that my days on the earth are coming to an end…”

“No, they are not!” Kristopher demanded, holding Adam by the back of the neck. “You will grow into an old man and bounce grandchildren on your knee.”

Adam reached back and covered Kristopher’s hand with his own. “I have no such illusion anymore. I know what lies ahead of me and I … I don’t want to … to leave this world not knowing … not knowing….love.” 

Kristopher closed his eyes, anticipating his dear friend’s request.

“I do not know if these, these feelings I have for you are real or out of need, but I’m asking…Kristopher, will you make love to me? I need to feel safe and protected and I always feel that way when we are together. Will you? I’d understand if you hated me for asking….”

Kristopher placed his fingers on Adam’s lips, brushing his bottom one. He replaced his fingers with his lips, loving and gentle. He drew back just enough for him to speak.

“My sweet, sweet boy, when I think of never seeing you again, my life means nothing. You fill a hole in my heart and I believe I have felt these things for you from the moment we met. If I have to let you go, making love to you now will make it a little less painful.”

“I … I’ve never been with anyone before,” Adam confessed, looking away and blushing. “I … I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ve only been with a woman but I believe if we listen to our bodies and hearts, they will tell us what to do.”

“Teach me Kristopher … teach me how to love. I’ll do anything you want.”

“Just trust me and if you want me to stop, tell me so and I will.”

Adam nodded and kissed Kristopher’s cheek. “Take me.”

Holding Adam’s hand, Kristopher helped Adam up and brought him to the bed. The sat down in the middle, facing each other, thighs touching. Adam looked at Kristopher with fear and desire dancing in his eyes as he felt the other man’s hand caress his shoulders, neck and face. Kristopher lowered Adam’s suspenders from his shoulders and ran a finger just under the opening of his collar. One by one, the buttons were undone and his shirt slid off his shoulders. Kristopher moved around Adam until he was sitting behind him. Adam looked down as his lover’s hands circled his waist, tugging his undershirt loose at the bottom. Beneath his shirt, a hand stroked his stomach and then his chest. Fingers played with his nipples and he hissed as they puckered and became hard. Warm lips nibbled on his neck and Adam tilted his head, welcoming it. Hands removed his unbuttoned shirt and then pulled off his undershirt. Adam felt Kristopher move him back until he was lying down and his best friend was gazing down at him.

“My God Adam, you are so beautiful.”

Tears fell down Adam’s cheeks and Kristopher kissed them away. The kisses continued down his jaw and neck to his chest. Adam felt his nipples being suckled and licked. He brought his hand up and petted Kristopher’s head, encouraging him. Kristopher bit down and Adam bucked.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Adam shook his head repeatedly. “No, no, don’t stop.”

Kristopher attended to his other nipple then sat up, removing his own shirt. Next, he placed his hands on Adam’s belt and when Adam nodded, Kristopher undid it, removed it and turned his attention to Adam’s pants. He paused, waiting to see if Adam would stop him. Instead, Adam undid his own zipper and lifted his hips. Kristopher took it from there until the golden boy lay completely naked on his bed.

“Open you legs.”

Adam obeyed and Kristopher settled between them. Adam’s cock lay long and large against his stomach, his sack heavy. Kristopher ran his hand up the underside of Adam’s cock to its head, pressing his thumb against it. Adam’s hands clenched the blanket and gasped.

“A-again.”

Kristopher did it again, his fingers curling around the cock and sliding up and down. His other hand fondled Adam’s sack and he felt his own cock getting hard.

“Do you like this?” he whispered, voice raspy.

“Uh-huh.”

Kristopher bent down and uttered, “How about this?”

He ran his tongue up Adam’s cock and he bucked.

“Ugh, ugh…y-yes….”

He did it again and again. Adam’s body reacted so strongly Kristopher had to hold his thighs still. With each lick, the cock grew harder and harder until it was standing up. Kristopher rubbed his palm over the head until it glistened and then he took Adam into his mouth.

“Ugh, ugh….mmmm…”

Up and down, up and down, deep into his throat, grazing with his teeth, swiping with his tongue, every sensation he had ever experienced when taken like this. Adam groaned and his body writhed with pleasure.

Adam’s eyes opened wide as he felt growing pressure in his groin.

“Kris….Kris …!”

Adam came in Kristopher’s mouth, shooting down his throat.

Kristopher released him when he was done and crawled up to lay beside him. They kissed languidly, Adam tasting himself on his lover’s tongue. Rolling onto his side, Adam draped himself over the other man and Kristopher stroked his back and hips.

He kissed his hair. “How do you feel?”

“I … I cannot describe it. I’ve never felt so, so….alive.”

Kristopher continued stroking Adam’s bare skin. His hand cupped Adam’s ass and absentmindedly slipped between his cheeks and over his hole. Adam tightened his hold on Kristopher, moaning. Kristopher touched him there again and pressed. Once more, Adam reacted strongly.

“You like this, don’t you?”

Adam nodded, his body having gone weak.

“How about this?” he asked, pushing a finger inside.

“Ah…ah…yes…”

He pushed in more. Adam was dry and tight but it didn’t seem to be hurting him. Kristopher added another finger, scissoring a little.

“Ugh…Kris-Kristopher…more….”

They kissed and Kristopher made a cautious offer.

“Do you want me inside you? Do you want by cock inside you, filling you?”

Adam looked unsure. “I … I don’t know…does it feel good?”

“I’ve been told it can; I’ve also been told it can be painful.”

Biting his bottom lip, Adam was quiet for a long time before speaking. “Kristopher, I think … I think I would like it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’ll stop you if it becomes too much. I just want to ‘feel’ tonight; if I’m going to feel pain, I want this kind.”

“Roll onto your stomach and spread your legs.”

Adam obeyed. Kristopher licked his finger and rubbed Adam again, pushing. The other man wiggled beneath him, making purring sounds. Kristopher had learned how to do this when he was young. He knew Adam needed to be prepared, stretched, and wet so his cock could slide into him. Kristopher moved his finger in and out, in and out, slowly and quickly, reveling in the little noises escaping Adam’s lips. He felt himself straining inside his pants and he could wait no longer to be free. 

Getting up, he heard Adam protest but he assured him when he returned, they would truly be together. Kristopher ran into his parents’ bedroom and searched his mother’s dressing table for something to lubricate them with. He settled on a lotion with a faint scent; he feared something too perfumed would sting in such a sensitive area. Returning to his room, he caught Adam touching himself, hand buried between his cheeks. Seeing Kristopher return, Adam whipped his hand away, looking embarrassed. Kristopher smiled reassurance and setting the bottle on the bed, he removed the rest of his clothing as Adam watched. When his cock was released, hard and ready, Adam’s eyes widened.

“Do you still want this?” he asked again, rubbing himself, offering himself to Adam.

The other man licked his lips and smiled. Kristopher returned to the bed and pouring lotion onto his hand, rubbed himself until he was hard and dripping wet. He then tipped the bottle and let the white river slowly seep down Adam’s crack and over his puckering hole. 

“It’s cold.” 

“It will heat up quickly.”

Kristopher was in agony, yearning to feel Adam around him. He rubbed the lotion inside of Adam and holding his head, lined up his cock.”

“I’ll go slowly. Just breathe.”

Hand on the small of Adam’s back, he slowly pushed in to the tight hole. At Adam’s first cry of pain, Kristopher stopped, giving him time to adjust or to stop this. When Adam said nothing more, he pushed in more. Again he stopped when Adam cried out.

“I can stop this.”

“No, no,” Adam panted, twisting the blankets in his hand. “Don’t go slow. Do it now!”

“Adam, I really shouldn’t…”

“Hurt me now!”

Grabbing Adam’s hips hard enough to bruise, Kristopher let out a growl and rammed himself inside Adam with enough force to move them up the bed. Adam screamed and screamed into the pillow as Kristopher pounded into him repeatedly. Adam was so tight and hot Kristopher lost his self control.

Adam’s pillow was soaked with his tears and saliva. His ass was on fire, he felt as if he were being ripped open but at the same time, under the pain was a pleasure he’d never known. Kristopher was going faster and faster, bruising him and opening his body and his mind and his heart. Adam tried to speak but couldn’t, responding only with moans and whimpers and screams.

Kristopher stopped moving, pushing in as if he wanted to climb into Adam’s body. Kristopher fired his cock like a gun, filling Adam with hot liquid. When he was spent, he pulled out and lay across his lover’s lower body, resting his head on Adam’s ass, both men too weak to move.

\--*--

October 1, 1943:

The morning sun streamed in the open window onto the bed. Adam and Kristopher were on either edge of the bed, backs to each other, not touching, not speaking. Kristopher was still naked and Adam had gathered up some of the damp blanket and partially covered himself. What occurred last night had been unexpected and after they were done, they realized it was something they had not been ready for. The overwhelming fear and longing had overtaken their sensibilities and they gave in to their bodies without considering how it would change their friendship. There was also guilt; Kristopher could not forgive himself for hurting Adam even though his friend had told him to and Adam felt guilt over giving in to forbidden feelings and shattering the beliefs he had held since childhood. And yet, in a sense, what they had done was born out of love – fraternal or otherwise - so how could that be wrong?

When they did finally speak, they did not discuss what had happened.

“I think it would be a good idea if you stayed in the attic today, at least until I come back,” Kristopher said calmly.

“You’re leaving?”

“I should attend classes. If I didn’t, it might look suspicious and someone may come around looking for me. We can’t risk you being discovered.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Is there … is there anything you want me to fetch from your room, something you want to take with you.”

“There is nothing I want to take that I need to carry in my arms.” 

What Adam didn’t say was that the things he wanted to take were already packed in his memory.

“When it’s safe, I’ll return to your room and collect your things. I’ll keep them safe until you return.”

“If I return.”

Kristopher rolled over, facing Adam’s back. He carefully touched Adam’s shoulder. The other man flinched a little but didn’t pull away.

“You will return Adam. You have to return.” Adam didn’t respond. Kristopher got to his feet and gathered up his strewn clothing. “I’ll let you get dressed. It’s getting late.”

Once the door clicked shut, Adam sat up and immediately regretted doing so. He had to shift onto his hip; it hurt too much to sit properly. Adam made his way to the wash basin and cleaned himself as best he could before dressing. His pants felt constricting but he had no choice. He looked down at the bed, stained with bodily fluids and wiped a tear from his eye before meeting Kristopher in the hall.

“Are you alright?” his friend asked, concerning evident in his voice.

“I’m alright.” He looked towards the next flight of stair. “We better go.”

Both men headed up to the attic and Kristopher sealed Adam into the wall. He’d already brought up food and drink and a solitary candle; Adam was going to be alone in there for hours. As the last board was moved into place, Kristopher he felt like he was sealing his best friend into a tomb.

\--*--

Every clock Kristopher looked at seemed to be ticking backwards. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies and all day long, he’d been approached by friends and acquaintances asking him about Adam’s whereabouts. He lied and said he knew nothing.

As he left the university campus, Kristopher cautiously looked at the Nazi soldiers milling around. He didn’t want to make eye contact in case one of them got suspicious and decided to follow him. At first, he was successful and then half way home, he sensed he was being tracked. He started taking a roundabout way home, going into stores and looking around, making sure to come out with even the smallest trinket so it appeared he was just running errands, not being suspicious. Two hours later, Kristopher felt he’s lost his shadow and he went home. Dropping his collection of packages on the floor, he ran upstairs to the attic. His heart stopped. The wallboards were tossed upon the floor, broken and cracked, and Adam was gone. 

Kristopher fell to his knees, covering his face with his hands and rocking. “No, no, no…oh my God Adam…no, no, no…”

Heavy footsteps came down the hall but Kristopher didn’t hear them, so lost in his imaginings. A hand touched his hair and he bolted forward, crawling across the floor. When he finally turned, he saw Adam standing there, fully dressed, ready to leave.

“I couldn’t take it anymore,” he explained, gesturing towards the secret room. “It was like a coffin and, and…I’m not ready to go there yet. I know now I have so much to live for. We should leave for the dockyards now. I don’t want to wait and miss my chance again.”

Adam extended his hand and Kristopher took it.

\--*--

Once more, Adam hid in the shadows as Kristopher asked around, making discreet inquiries. There were more boats leaving tonight. Rosh Hashanah had begun and the Nazis were now discovering the disappearance of the city’s Jewish population. Very soon, they would be combing the streets, looking for their prey.

Kristopher returned. “We need to go back to the dock we went to last night. There will be hundreds of people here soon – we better go.”

They ran to the dock where a small crowd had already gathered but there were at least a dozen boats of different sizes and seaworthiness. The young men headed towards a large fishing trawler. The captain was calling out instructions.

“You will all have to go below deck. There is no room for bags and personal belongings. If you can’t leave your possessions behind, find another boat. I’m not a luxury liner.”

A few individuals left, hurrying to other boats. Adam was able to move up the line, taking nothing but the clothes on his back. Kristopher took Adam’s hand and pressed something into his palm. Looking down, Adam saw a wallet.

“It’s all the money I could gather. Take it Adam; you’ll need it to start your new life in Sweden.”

“Dear Kristopher, I can’t take your money. You’ve already given me so much.” He held his hand out but Kristopher pushed it away.

“Call it a loan. That way, you’ll have to come back and repay me. I know you; you’re an honorable man.”

Looking around, Adam took Kristopher and dragged him behind some crates. Alone, Adam took his lover in his arms and kissed him hard and longingly. Kristopher returned the kiss, never wanting to stop.

“You need to come back to me Adam. Promise you’ll come back.”

“I will, I swear. Leaving you now is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

The captain was yelling at his crew to untie the boat. Adam ran back to the boat and jumped onboard as it pulled away from the dock. The captain was yelling at him to get below decks but Adam refused until Kristopher came back into sight and they could wave goodbye. Finally, when the boat was a ghostly image, Adam disappeared into the hold and the wooden door closed with a thud.

An hour later, Kristopher sat alone on the edge of the pier, looking into the dark night. Tears wet his cheeks as the thought of returning to his life without Adam was unbearable. Finally he was able to put into words what his heart had been telling him.

Whispering into the stillness, setting the words free on the evening breeze, Kristopher uttered, “I love you.”


	2. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With death looming in the future, Adam and Kris take a big step, one that will change their friendship forever.

JULY 1945

Walking down the narrow streets of Copenhagen, Adam couldn’t believe he’d been away for nearly two years, ever since the night Kristopher had helped him escape the Nazis. Having sought asylum in Sweden, he had been safe from their claws but he had also been away from the tender, gentle hands of the man he had fallen in love with just when they were being torn apart. He entered a small square and sat on a bench, watching children play and the entire city enjoy the freedom of liberation. Adam patted his coat pocket, feeling the wallet he had hidden away. Kristopher had given Adam all the money he had when Adam left and he had said he knew Adam would pay him back and that he’d have to return.

Adam would have returned without any incentive other than seeing Kristopher Allen again.

He recalled the last night they saw each other. Kristopher’s parents and brother were away and Adam was being hidden by his best friend until he could be safely smuggled out of Denmark. Adam had been sure he was going to die and his last hours with Kristopher stirred in him feelings he had never had before. He yearned for the protection of his dear friend’s arms and they had made love. It had rough and unexpected and painful and wonderful and joyous and peaceful. Adam knew after that night that he had to survive, at any cost. He could not be taken away forever after finding such love.

Having gathered his courage, Adam headed down one of the streets that lead from the square, looking for the narrow three story house. It felt strange not seeing Nazi soldiers at every turn. In Sweden, as he went about his everyday life to and from work in a music store, he never questioned their absence. All of his final memories of Copenhagen’s glory had been tainted by the grey goose stepping specters and swastika flags hanging everywhere, flapping an ill wind. 

There it was. The façade looked a bit tattered but it still looked the same. Kristopher was behind that door, he just knew it. Adam stepped up to the entrance and knocked. 

The door opened and Mrs. Allen stood there. She looked at Adam and froze. An odd look came over her. 

Adam removed his cap. “Mrs. Allen, it’s nice to see you again. Is Kristopher here?”

She said nothing, just staring at him with shock. 

Maybe she didn’t remember who he was. “I’m Adam Lambert, Kristopher’s friend from university. May I speak to him please?”

Mrs. Allen walked away without a word, leaving the door open. Adam’s heart pounded, the reunion moments away. He thought he heard his name being called and turned away from the door just as a wooden handle came crashing down on his head.

Falling to the ground, the handle hit him again and again, smacking his head, shoulders and back. Someone was screaming at him; he couldn’t hear the words over his own cries of pain. Wetness trickled over his head and he touched his face, his fingers bloody.

“Mama! Mama! What are you doing? Stop! STOP!”

Adam was curled into a ball on the stone road, his arms covering his head. When the hitting stopped, he waited for more but no more came. He heard a woman crying and he cautiously looked up towards the door. Mrs. Allen was sobbing into her son’s chest, into Daniel’s chest, the broom handle forgotten at her feet.

Mrs. Allen eventually turned towards him, her blank eyes now filled with rage and pain. When she spoke, her words dripped with hate. “How dare you come to my home after what you have done, after the pain you’ve caused my son! Leave my home and never darken our door again!” With that, she pulled away from her younger son and ran into the house.

Daniel picked up the broom, his face conflicted. He looked at Adam lying in the street, his mouth moving with unspoken words then looked into the house as his mother’s cries poured onto the street. Without an explanation, he left, shutting and locking the door behind him.

On shaky arms, Adam lifted his upper body. The streetscape swirled around him. He was surrounded by feet, shuffling or still. Voices echoed about him and again he heard his name being called.

“Adam! Adam! Is that you?” Gentle hands grasped his shoulders, helping his sit up. He turned towards the blurred image of a young man’s face, a friend from his past. Eli, it was Eli….

“Someone, help me, please! He needs a doctor!” Adam felt hands lift him into the air. He found Eli’s face again, full of concern. “Take care old friend, we have you.”

Adam’s face felt numb and he struggled to move his lips. He didn’t recognize his voice when he spoke, “Kristopher…where’s… Kristopher?” And then the city went dark.

\--*--

Mumbled voices reached his mind, running over each other, jumbled and low. Adam opened his eyes slowly, his head throbbing. He reached up slowly and touched his forehead, feeling cloth wrapped around him. A hand gently took his and brought it down to his side once more. Adam turned his head to see who was with him. A kindly woman sat beside him smiling as she rubbed something soothing onto his shoulders. He looked past her at Eli standing in the corner talking with another man.

Adam opened his mouth, trying to speak. He was shushed and told to close his eyes. He obeyed, hearing her words echo, “Heal now, talk later.”

\--*--

When Adam awoke next, it was dark outside and he was alone. He looked around, finding himself in a bedroom and lying in someone’s bed. He cautiously sat up, waiting for the room to spin but it didn’t; he just had a tremendous headache. Slowly, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. His shirt and shoes were off but he was still dressed otherwise. Looking about the room, he spotted his shirt and coat draped over a chair. Suddenly remembering, he grabbed his coat, frantically squeezing the folds of fabric until he felt the hard bundle that was his wallet. He opened the leather billfold, relieved Kristopher’s money was still there.

Kristopher. What had happened to Kristopher? Why did Kristopher’s mother beat him? Adam remembered his best friend’s family had not been happy with their friendship because of their different religious backgrounds but in the past, they just ignored him. What would make her lash out at him so cruelly?

Eli. Eli was his friend, Eli would tell him. He had to find Eli.

Slipping into his shoes, the young man teetered as he headed for the door and opened it. Adam looked out into the hallway and heard voices coming from downstairs. Using both hands on the railing, he took one step at a time and when he reached the bottom, he sat on the last step, catching his breath.

“What are you doing out of bed? You had some nasty hits to the head, you should be resting.” It was the same woman who had been tending to him upstairs.

“I need to speak with Eli….about Kristopher. Is he still here?”

She looked back to the room she’d come from. “Yes, but you aren’t strong enough to talk tonight. You can speak in the morning.”

“No, please.” He grabbed the banister and hauled himself to his feet, beads of sweat soaking his face. “I must speak to him now. I need to know about Kristopher…what happened to Kristopher.” He started to sway and ended up back on the bottom step.

The woman left and returned with Eli and the man he had been talking to earlier.

“Eli, please, I … I need answers…” Adam begged as he was supported under the arms and helped back upstairs.

Voices talked behind him and then Eli answered, “Back to bed first and then we can talk.”

\--*--

As Adam was settled back into bed, he was introduced properly to Mr. & Mrs. Hansen. Eli explained, as they were carrying him away from the Allen’s house looking for a doctor, Mrs. Hansen heard the commotion and ushered them inside and Mr. Hansen fetched the doctor. Adam was in their son’s room; he died fighting in the resistance. Propping pillows up behind his back, Mrs. Hansen and her husband invited Adam to stay as long as he liked. Apparently, Eli had told them about Adam’s recent return.

Once he was settled, the two young men were left alone. Adam sat forward, grasping Eli’s hand. The last time they had seen each other was the day before the Nazis were going to round up the country’s Jews and deport them to concentration camps. They were each elated to know the other had escaped and survived. Other friends of theirs hadn’t been so lucky.

“What do you know of Kristopher? Why did he mother attack me?”

Eli squeezed his hand, looking away.

“Talk to me! Please!”

Eli turned back, his face grim. “I know only a bit of what happened, what I’ve been told since I’ve come back.” He paused, wetting his lips, before continuing. “That night, Rosh Hashanah, the night the Nazis set their evil on us, that night Kristopher had been out….”

“He helped me escape,” Adam whispered quietly, as if it were still secret.

“When he returned home, the soldiers were waiting for him…they arrested him for conspiring against the Third Reich.”

“But how? How did they know?” They had been so careful, or so they thought.

“Apparently he and another were seen leaving his home and a nearby soldier got suspicious. He followed them…followed you.”

Adam let go of Eli’s hand and fell back against the headboard. He covered his face and wept bitterly. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t let Kristopher help him, this wouldn’t have happened. It was no wonder his mother treated him as such. Adam could barely bring himself to ask, “What became of him?”

“He was sent to a POW camp and remained there until the Nazis were defeated. From there he was taken to a hospital and eventually brought back here to Copenhagen. He had remained in hospital until a month ago.”

“Where … where is he now?” Adam choked out.

“He is home.”

Adam’s hands dropped away and his eyes began to shine as he realized Kristopher was here, in the city. 

“Adam, do not get your hopes up. Kristopher is not well, not well at all. I’ve heard, although I haven’t been able to confirm it, that it is only a matter of time before he succumbs.”

Adam shook his head, grimacing. “No, no I won’t believe it. It can not be true. He is strong, he is so strong, he cannot…he must not…” Tears poured down his face and his voice rose, shattering the heavy silence. “Kristopher! Kristopher! No! No! I’m sorry….I’m sorry…” Eli gathered his friend into his arms as he wept. The Hansen stood in the doorway, also in tears. “Tis all my fault, oh God it is all my fault…!”

\--*--

A week passed and Adam recovered. He became friends with his hosts and they treated him like their own. The Hansen’s home and grocery business was just down the street from the Allen’s home and from the bedroom he occupied, Adam could look down a few buildings and see Kristopher’s bedroom window. The curtains were always drawn. When he wasn’t eating meals with the Hansen’s, Adam sat at his window, staring towards his lover’s room. Eli came to visit nearly every day, bringing whatever news he could gather. Nothing had changed since Adam had learned of Kristopher’s fate. It was good news if it could be called such.

Try as they might, no one could dissuade Adam from blaming himself for Kristopher’s arrest. Adam held no ill feelings towards Kristopher’s mother for what she had done; he had deserved it, he deserved worse. The Hansens had convinced him to move into their son’s room in exchange for helping in the family business. Adam had been worried the Allen’s might come into the store and see him but Mr. Hansen assured him it was no longer an issue. Apparently, the family had learned they were harboring Adam under their roof and refused to use their services further. Adam apologized and was told it made no difference; what were a bag of groceries and a loaf of bread every couple of days compared to helping out another human being. In the end, Adam agreed to stay. He might not be able to see Kristopher again but if this was as close as he could get to him, he would accept that.

Another week passed and Adam was behind the counter, taking inventory, when the front door opened. Adam didn’t serve the customers so he waited for Mr. or Mrs. Hansen to come out. When they didn’t, Adam realized he’d have to wait on them.

He spoke before he turned. “Yes, how may I help?”

Daniel Allen was standing on the other side of the counter. Neither man spoke, just stared at each other. Daniel looked nervous, tugging on his coat sleeve.

Adam cleared his throat. “How may I help you?”

“May we speak somewhere private…about my brother?”

Excusing himself, Adam looked for Mr. Hansen. He explained about Daniel’s visit and the older gentleman invited them to use his office. The two men entered and sat down. They were silent for some time, looking every where except at each other.

Adam was the first to speak. “How is your brother? I heard he is not well.”

“No, he’s not. Those bastards….” Daniel’s voice faded away. He angrily wiped tears from his eyes and cleared his throat. “After what my mother did, I feel you are owed an explanation.”

“No need. I know it is my fault he was arrested, that if he hadn’t helped me escape, this never would have happened.”

“My brother has a good heart and he did the only thing he could have done. I believe if he hadn’t helped you, he would have helped another poor soul. I also believe he would do it again, given the opportunity. My parents may blame you, but I do not. And I know my brother doesn’t blame you.”

Adam’s heart leapt. “He has spoken of me?”

“In a manner.” Daniel took in Adam’s confusion. “Perhaps I should explain.” He rose to his feet and paced, looking at the floor and tugging once more on his sleeve. “We didn’t know what had become of Kristopher until we returned from my grandparents. A neighbor told us. My parents went to the Gestapo to find him and had been told he’d already been convicted and sent to a POW camp. They then held my parents for questioning and sent soldiers to bring me in as well, assuming if Kristopher had helped a Jew escape, perhaps we did as well. In the end, we were released unharmed in body if not in spirit.

“We did not hear another word about him for nearly two years. The first word we had was after Hitler died and the German military surrendered. Their camps were being liberated and he was taken to a hospital. Once he had been identified, the Red Cross notified us and we made arrangements to have him brought back to Copenhagen.”

Daniel went on to explain the injuries his brother had suffered and then came to the most private part of the discussion.

“His body was healing but his mind was not. He would drift between lucidity and delusion. When he was out of his mind, Kristopher would say….things…that made those around him…uncomfortable. The doctor told us that what he was saying should not be considered as truth, that they were the ravings of a diseased mind brought on by great suffering. However, there were many complaints sent to the hospital administer and as there were no private rooms to move him to, we were encouraged to bring him home. A doctor comes by twice a week but we are his caregivers now.”

Adam sat in silence for sometime before he asked, “Is there nothing more they can do for him?”

“They say there is not.”

“No medication, no therapy?”

“Nothing a doctor can give him.” Daniel sat down and looked into Adam’s face earnestly. “I, however, think there is a cure for him.”

“Tell me man, what!”

“You.”

“Me?”

“In the hospital, his ramblings were disconnected, vague. After he came home, was in his own room, perhaps the familiar surroundings triggered something, and his ramblings took on a clarity. My parents cannot bring themselves to be in the room with him when he turns this way so I stay with him. I have heard much…much about you…and him.”

Adam blushed, turning away. A hand on his arm brought him back. “Do not be embarrassed Adam. I have been aware of my brother’s…preferences. I am not as blind as my parents nor am I in denial as they very well might be.” Daniel squeezed Adam’s arm. “He needs you. He needs to hear your voice, feel your touch; he needs to know you have returned and you are with him. Will you do this for him? Will you save my brother?”

Tears trailed down Adam’s cheeks. “Do you even need to ask? I would do anything for him, I…..love him.” He waited for Daniel to recoil and when he didn’t, Adam continued. “But your parents will not let me anywhere near him. I do not know how it can be done.”

“On Tuesdays and Fridays, my parents go out for a few hours in the afternoon. The doctor told them they need these respites for their son’s sake or else they would be of no use to him. When they leave, I am the only person home with him. Do you know where his bedroom window is?” Adam nodded. Daniel smiled sadly. “Watch his window and when I place a red book against the pane, that will be your signal to come in through the back door. Here.” Daniel slid a key across the table. “This is Kristopher’s house key, it will not be missed. Let yourself in and come to his room. I will leave you two alone and we will see if love can truly conquer all.”

\--*--

Daniel had visited Adam on Friday morning and waiting four days to see Kristopher felt much longer than the two years he was in Sweden. Adam had told the Hansen’s about his conversation with Daniel and that he was going to see his friend. Mr. Hansen gave him the day off and Mrs. Hansen urged him to be careful and to prepare himself for what he would see. Adam didn’t care how Kristopher looked; he just wanted to see him.

\--*--

Tuesday afternoon, Adam sat at his bedroom window, watching the Allen house. He watched the street and nearly ran out when he saw Mr. & Mrs. Allen leave. However, he waited for the signal from Daniel. Five minutes after his parents left, Daniel put the red book in the window.

Adam ran downstairs, heading for the door when Mrs. Hansen stopped him. He was anxious to go but he waited. She straightened his coat, brushed his blond hair behind his ears and kissed him on the forehead. “Be careful my sweet boy.”

Sweet boy. Sweet, sweet boy. Kristopher used that endearment when they made love. Adam bit his lip, gave her a quick hug and hurried down the street and to the back of the row houses.

Adam let himself in, finding the kitchen on the other side of the door. He made sure to lock the door then hurried into the central stairwell.

“Adam, up here. Hurry, you don’t have much time.”

Adam looked up, seeing Daniel on the top landing. He took the stairs two at a time and followed Daniel to the bedroom. Hand on the doorknob, Daniel turned then paused. “I must warn you, he doesn’t look the same.”

He opened the door and Adam entered, stopping just inside. The door softly clicked shut and Adam finally found himself alone with the one person he loved more than any other. The room was dim, lit only with a lantern on the bedside table by Kristopher’s head. He looked at the bed and the small body within, a child surely, not the grown man he left. Taking a few steps at a time and stopping, he gazed at the image appearing before him. Kristopher was thinner, so much thinner, his face gaunt. His eyes were closed, his head moving slowly from side to side, sometimes jerking, a wave of varying emotions crossing his precious face. His lips were moving but Adam couldn’t hear him. Adam desperately wanted to gather his love into his arms but feared his bones would break if he did. Forcing himself onward, Adam stopped at the bedside and knelt, taking the light, limp hand in his.

The last time they had been in this room, they had made love for the first time. It was not something they had planned and it was the first time for both of them. Afterwards, they didn’t speak of it. Adam wondered if it hadn’t been a mistake but when they said their final goodbye on the dock, they realized it had been something they had wanted for a long time.

Sitting close and quietly, Adam listened to the words Kristopher muttered in his sleep. He recalled that night and yet hearing these personal memories made him blush. It was no wonder it made others uncomfortable to hear Kristopher uttering such things.

“Adam…Adam…where are you … come back … I love you … so, so beautiful …my sweet boy, that’s my sweet boy … kiss me, please kiss me … open your legs … do you want me inside you … my cock inside you ….” Kristopher’s breathing quickened and he squeezed Adam’s hand. “Oh God…A-Adam…so tight…so tight….” Adam brushed Kristopher’s hair from his sweaty face, wanting to speak, not knowing what to say. He didn’t try to stop Kristopher’s ramblings, understanding he was lost in a time when he felt loved and safe.

“I’m here, Kristopher, I’m here,” he whispered softly in his ear, lightly kissing his hair and cheek. “I’ve come back, just as I promised.”

The younger man calmed, his thrashing ceased. Slowly, his eyes opened and he looked about. “Daniel, are you here?” He voice was raspy and weak.

“It’s Adam, I’m with you.”

Kristopher’s head followed the voice. When he set eyes on Adam, they widened and tears flowed. Adam wiped some away, kissed others away. “I’m with you … you’re going to be okay, you’re safe.”

“Is this a dream?”

“No my love, I’m here.” He lifted Kristopher’s frail hand to his cheek, letting him feel how real he was. Adam then pressed a kiss into his palm.

They seemed to travel back in time, back to a time when Adam was sure he would not live to see the morrow. The roles were now reversed, Kristopher crying Adam’s words and Adam reassuring him with his own.

“I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die…,” Kristopher sobbed.

Adam ran a hand through Kristopher’s hair. “I won’t let you die, my heart; I swear I won’t let them take you from me - again.”

\--*--

Time was irrelevant to Adam as he sat by his lover’s bedside, constantly calming and reassuring him that he was indeed there, that he was real, that it wasn’t a dream. At some point, Daniel opened the door and waved him out. As he rose to leave, Kristopher used all the strength he had to hold Adam in place. Adam kissed his lips and promised he would be back. Reluctantly, Kristopher let him go, but barely.

The door clicked shut. 

“What if he says something to your parents about seeing me?” Adam asked as they headed down the stairs.

“They will not believe him. They will tell him it was a dream, a fantasy. And then when they are not around, I will reassure him that you are real and that you will be back.” Daniel stopped and turned to him. “You will be back, won’t you?”

“I’m never leaving Kristopher again.”

\--*--

Adam left by the back door and hurried home. He rushed through the store into the house, ignoring Mr. Hansen’s calls, and ran upstairs to his room. He closed the door and rested his forehead upon it. He was breathing heavily, not from running but from the sheer exertion of holding back the pain and rage he felt so Kristopher would only see the calm. He heard Daniel in his head telling him what his brother had suffered and now that Adam had seen him, the stories became real. He knew exactly what they had done to him. There was no one to make pay so he made the room pay instead.

The first objects to pay were the china wash basin and pitcher. After they smashed against the wall, he attacked the shelf, throwing books everywhere. Next he yanked the curtains down off the window and ripped them to shreds. The entire time, Adam was screaming obscenities at these helpless things, threatening to kill them, strangling the non existent life from them. Adam didn’t hear the door open but he heard Mrs. Hansen cry out for her husband. Adam couldn’t stop himself. Next, he tore the bed apart, blankets and pillows tossed asunder. He lifted the mattress off the frame and threw it on the floor, kicking it and jumping on it, crushing it beneath his heel.

Exhausting his body but not his mind, he stood amongst the swirling dust, eyes raised to the heavens, asking over and over again, “Why…why…why…why….” He fell to his knees, head hanging low and then toppled onto his side, hugging his legs, still asking ‘why’. Adam suddenly felt arms around him, stroking his hair and he let go of the rage and released the pain, crying himself into oblivion.

\--*--

Their clandestine meetings continued for months. Adam’s mere presence gave Kristopher the will he needed to fight, each visit bringing him closer to life. For the first few weeks, Adam was witness to many bouts of delusion but gradually they stopped. Sometimes Adam read to him, or helped him eat and drink, or talked to him about Sweden, and sometimes he just watched Kristopher sleep. He was growing stronger every time Adam saw him and their love grew stronger along with Kristopher’s body.

One afternoon, Adam entered Kristopher’s bedroom and found him standing – leaning to one side and holding onto the back of a chair – but standing. One leg supported him while the other, now crooked due to an ill treated break, did it’s best to share the weight.

“I feel like an infant about to take his first step,” Kristopher laughed, his voice light and strong.

Adam hurried up to him, sure he would fall on his face, which Kristopher almost did until Adam caught him. Holding the smaller man tightly to his body, Adam headed towards the bed.

“Wait,” Kristopher asked, wrapping his arms around Adam’s neck. Pulling himself up, he pressed their mouths together, sucking his lips. “You are my savior.”

Adam laughed. “Don’t let your parents hear you say that.”

“Why shouldn’t I? You saved me. I was going to give up on life until you came back.”

“Your brother deserves credit for seeing into our hearts and bringing me to you.”

“That is true,” Kristopher sighed, nuzzling his mouth into Adam’s neck, “but I cannot thank him like this.”

\--*--

As Kristopher’s health returned, his parents’ weekly trips changed. Now that he was no longer soiling their minds with his mumblings, they spent more time with him. Eventually, they stopped going out on Tuesdays and Fridays all together, leaving only when they needed to, thus Adam and Kristopher never knew when their next meeting would happen. Over Hanukah, Christmas and New Years, they hadn’t seen each other once although Daniel tried his hardest to keep them in touch. He suggested they write notes and he became their courier. Adam kept his but Kristopher burned Adam’s letters in the fireplace, not risking a discovery. The Hansen’s revealed to Adam that they knew about the special bond the two young men shared and they offered their support.

In the end, all they could do was sit in their bedroom windows and gaze at each other across the way, sharing their love with hands held over their hearts and mouthed endearments.

One afternoon, in late January, an opportunity presented itself. Mr. & Mrs. Allen had a function to attend that they could not refuse and they reluctantly left their sons home. Within minutes of their departure, Adam was in Kristopher’s room. A fire roared in the hearth and they stretched out on the bed in each others arms, watching the snow fall outside the window, glistening as it fell through the light of the winter sun. Daniel had slipped out for some groceries, the three men confident they had hours together. The warmth of the fire and the warmth of each other enveloped the lovers and they fell asleep.

A scream woke them both. Adam bolted out of the bed, causing Kristopher to fall over as his support left him. 

“Get out of my home! Get away from my son!” Mrs. Allen stood in the bedroom entrance, her husband silent behind her. “How dare you come back again! I told you to stay away!”

Kristopher was confused, looking between his mother and his lover. “Adam, what is she talking about?”

Adam hadn’t told him about the beating his mother had inflicted on him the day he came back and he didn’t plan to. “It is nothing Kristopher; I should leave.” Adam walked around the bed and the Allen’s stepped aside.

“No, don’t go!” Kristopher struggled to his feet and tried to run after him, instead hitting the floor face first.

“Kristopher!” His mother ran to him, reaching out.

“Don’t touch me,” he hissed. She backed away and Adam stepped in, easily picking him up and setting him on the edge of the bed. He moved to leave once more but Kristopher grabbed his hand and wouldn’t let go.

“How can you let this … this Jew anywhere near you? He is responsible, he did this to you!”

“No mother, you are wrong! Adam did not do this to me,” he pounded his chest, “the Nazis did this to me….HATE did this to me!” He wrapped his hand around Adam’s arm and pulled him down into a kiss, leaving his parents speechless. Kristopher ventured on. “Adam saved me, HE…SAVED…ME! Thinking of him is what kept me alive in that, that…hell and when he came back to me, I yearned for life again. I pray for your ignorance if you truly tried to keep us apart. I can assure you I would be dead now if he hadn’t come back into my life.”

Feet ran down the hall and Daniel appeared behind their mother. He gave his brother an encouraging smile.

“Adam and I are in love.”

“Kristopher, don’t say such things!”

He ignored her. “We are never going to be parted again and if you cannot accept this, then I can no longer live here.”

“No, you can’t mean it…,” she pleaded.

“If you force me to choose mother,” Kris looked into Adam’s eyes, seeing the truth, “then I assure you…you will lose.”

\--*--

TWO YEARS LATER

Kristopher and Adam walked down the hallway on the first day of a new school year. Adam carried their bags as Kristopher hobbled along beside him on his crutch. With nearly every step, they were greeted by old friends, welcoming them back. Eli, now a teacher’s assistant, greeted them at the door. Kristopher settled into his chair, setting his crutch on the floor.

“Now remember,” Adam started, handing Kristopher his textbooks, “Eli will help you to our music class and don’t forget, Mama Hansen is having a ‘back to school’ dinner for us tonight.”

“I won’t forget. It will wonderful to see Daniel again” Adam straightened Kristopher’s collar and he laughed. “You’re becoming a mother hen.”

“Cluck, cluck” Adam replied softly.

Kristopher laughed harder, reveling in the freedom of living life. Once Kristopher was well again, they made plans to go back to university and they both worked hard to be able to pay for it, Adam at Hansen’s grocery and Kristopher at the post office. They decided to take a few classes at a time so they could continue to work. Aside from tuition, they also had rent to pay on their flat.

The professor charged in, giving Adam a warning glance. Quickly, Adam handed Kristopher his bag and left, pressing a warm grip on his shoulder.

“Welcome everyone to a new school year. Please open your textbooks to the first chapter and let’s begin.”

Kristopher opened his textbook and found a folded slip of paper inside. Looking about to make sure no one was watching him, he opened it. It was the letter ‘A’ with a heart around it. Quickly, he folded the paper up and slipped it into his shirt as he smiled, their hearts pressed together once more.


End file.
